Literary Lark, I just wanted to tell you I can relate. I have SA too. The intensity of it comes and goes over time, and right now it's pretty mild. Just don't put me at a podium in front of the room! Its been quite worse in the past though. My family can be kind of dysfunctional and judgmental. I feel like my own family has evolved for the better over the years, but I can completely relate to worrying that someone might say something mean, and feeling judged by my own family.

Things I have literally done in the past to cope. These things were not always ideal, but it was how I was able to cope with my family and having SA around the holidays: removing myself from the situation by either leaving early or arriving late, just not going to the family function, gravitating towards the kindest and most safest person in the room and hanging out with them - even if just my own familiar mother, going in another room, bringing knitting with me or a book, recognizing that it's not all my fault for the way I feel and that my family plays a role too (this kind of helped me to get my power back, I ended up blaming them for a while too, which wasn't healthy for me, but idk, it's what I did), and lastly, pretending that everything was ok and just trying with them (joining in on the conversation anyway).

I hope you're having a restful evening now, LL, now that everything is over and doing something kind for you.