I managed myself to ask him about his confusing messages. He said he doesn't love me all the time, but sometimes during a session he can feel it. I guess he didn't remember he actually said "I love you" haha.

He also clarified his words "I even think of you with some warmth sometimes". He didn't mean that he thinks I'm bad most of the time, but sometimes even thinks I'm "good". He meant that sometimes something reminds him of me, and so thinks of me.

I didn't say much today, but I was glad to see him. As usual.

He said he hopes I'll stay with him for a long time. "5 years... 10 years... 20 years? I don't have such an experience, but I'm ready"

I was veeeeryyyy glad to hear that he's not going to abandon me, but I feel guilty anyway lol. Because, you know, I don't deserve therapy and so on.