I do, as you've guessed, speak from experience. My ex-husband also cried afterward, every time he abused me. If I didn't take him back and stop talking about it, then, I was the one portrayed as unfeeling and selfish. Family, friends, and even the police would point out how obviously sorry he is, because look, he's crying. Manipulation, pure and simple.

Another thing he tried was to "admit" he had a problem and needed help. Then he'd call and make an intake appointment at the mental health clinic, to show me that he was getting the help he needed. Then I would come home, and he wouldn't see any reason to keep that appointment. Mission accomplished; I'm home. He's made his repairs and has his wife back. Now he can carry on as usual.

Something else to look for will be the counter-accusations. He'll claim to you and to the world that you're the one abusing him. Any mistake you've ever made in your life will be held against you, and since we all make mistakes, he *will* find something to hold against you. He'll make you out to be a monster. He'll even accuse you of his own shortcomings; for example, if he's irresponsible with money, then the first time you buy some frill that isn't a complete necessity, he'll yell at you for being so irresponsible with money.

Believe me, they'll stop at nothing to get us to let them continue their behavior.