I hope this doesn't offend or upset anyone, but I just have to get it all out.......
I have been in the 'system' of the mental health team for nearly 15 months now, and I feel my life is worse now than ever. Over the past year I have had so many things happen that have made me feel like I am a complete waste of space.....instead they should be making me feel better. (I have Borderline Personality Disorder and I self harm)

For example:
1) I was shouted at and told I wasn't really that ill by the nurse who stitched up a 6 inch cut to my leg. She didn't stop humiliating me until I begged her in tears to please stop

2) During the same trip to hospital the doctor told this nurse not to bother using local anesthetic when she stitched me up (8 stitches)

3) My Support Worker forgot his first appointment with me and turned up an hour late....he did admit he'd forgotton me

4) My Community nurse didn't turn up at all for our first ever meeting, he phoned me 5 minutes after the appointment time to tell me his car wouldn't start

5) I have phoned the Crisis Team phone line in a very bad state......only to be told to calm down and have a hot chocolate!

6) I phoned the Crisis Team from a public phone before I had my home phone installed, and I gave them the number for them to call me back once I'd run out of money.......he never called back. He just left me crying in the phone booth. When I looked into it, I found out he wasn't even a member of the crisis team but just a passing nurse who answered the phone

7) I have had a Paramedic tell me that if I want to kill myself then no one would stop me.......great advice to give someone with suicidal tendancies

8) I was sent home after my first ever assessment in a daze and tears by the community nurse who assessed me, I was so traumatised by finally talking to someone about my problems that I could hardly walk - I was 'shutting down', but she had another person to see so I was shown the door. I wandered the streets crying in my own little world

9) I went to my local doctors surgery in crisis in tears and was made to wait 30 minutes in a busy waiting room.....I eventually couldn't cope with people staring so I went home in pieces

10) I started Psychotherapy, only to be told after my first appointment that I was back on the waiting list again as the Psychologist has left. I have found out he was sacked from the National Health Service because he was seeing private patients in NHS time. No wonder he wanted to leave 6 week gaps between our appointments. That was 3 months ago and I'm still waiting.

There are lots of other occasions where I have been treated harshly, with little understanding or patience, and as a result my self harm has become serious and I am on an Enhanced CPA.
I really feel let down, and think I'd be better off without their 'help'......but I cannot cope alone either. I have no family or friends, so the healthcare professionals are the only people I can rely on to get me through this illness. I am always polite and thankful, never violent or rude. I have struggled to look after myself for 20 years, but I had a breakdown 2 years ago and eventually admitted I needed help. This 'help' has destroyed the tiny bit of self esteem I had and I have a ridiculous amount of scars over my body - in places I wouldn't have considered cutting before. Now I just don't care who sees my scars....my dignity has been taken from me. I trusted these people with my life, but they have proved that there is so little understanding and support for people with mental illness. My nurse is working to restore my faith in the 'professionals' but I can't forget what has happened this past year. He has put in a complaint on my behalf regarding a crisis team member who was very unprofessional towards me (long story)....I was told she was suffering a marriage break up but it was admitted that she shouldn't have spoken to me the way she did.
But I refuse to give up. I want to get well. I just can't stand the way I've been treated.....and the people just get away with it.