(((((((lennie)))))))))

I had to answer your post....I hear you loud and clear...I am from Derbyshire UK.

I have been through months of hell .... I am n abuse survivor, suffering with depression, dissosiative amnesia, anxiety and ptsd.... I went to my gp over a year ago...lost my job, tried to end it all twice, the last time I ended up in hospital and that's the only way I managed to see the crisis team...they sent me home with a sleeping tablet and their number.

I called them several times and was told, even though I was desparate, to take a warm bath, have a milky drink and try to breathe....at this point I was climbing the walls...they also told me if I was going to commit suicide they would not stop me it was my choice....

One night I was so bad i had to go into the crisis team for an assessment, I begged them to let me stay in there,,,I couldn't face going home, my husband was givig me a hard time for trying to end my life and we were on the verge of splitting up....

I was so frustrated I was banging my head against the wall, they told me there was no need for the drama queen act.....I was numb after that, eyes red and swollen, shaking I didn't care anymore...they sent me home again with a sleeping tablet and told me to go see my gp the next day...they put me on prozac....big mistake....antipsychotics...even bigger mistake,,now I'm on 15mg escitalapram...just been upped...The waiting list is 18 months -2 years to see a psychiatrist,,,,so I have gone to rape crisis and they are helping me through therapy..the nhs are giving me an assessment to see whether I have bi polar and borderline personality disorder on feb 7th...then I go on the long waiting list...I am one of the lucky ones...my therapist is a qualified pdoc.....and I go there for a donation only....I was going to go private at the cost of £200 per hour.....but would never be able to afford that....

You are not alone, I recommend you ask your local crisis team for information outside of the nhs....there are some good counselling organisations, next time I go to therapy at my usual place I will pick up some leaflets to see what there is around the country for you, tomorrow I have to see her in a different town.

Honey I know XACTLY how you feel, I called crisis again the other night only to be told they wont do anything but just to have a bath and a hot drink, breathe and go to bed.....like yeah right....doesnt work like that when you have insomnia love.....

I called the samaritans in the end......they are lovely but just listen, sometimes you need to just see someone face to face there and then......

Know I am here for you, I had a cpn for 12 weeks, like 40 years of torture, ptsd, flashbacks and hurt will be cured in 12 weeks....but she was nice and did help with thingike finances and stuff....I managed to find my family a councellor so they could vent about me and how they struggle...he's been off sick for 6 weeks or more, never heard when he's coming back, so it's all a shambles.......

pm me anytime, I am taking a break from posting right now, but you can pm me anytime or I'll speak on the phone if you're really struggling.......

take care, from someone who knows EXACTLY what you are going through......

Jinyann xxxxx