T2 today--rescheduled from Wed. because he'd hurt his back. Went in and sat down. I asked how his back was doing. He said it was much better, thanks. I shared some stories of me and H injuring ourselves (my back for me) on the many stairs in our house.

I said I'd survived Thanksgiving. He replied, "Was that a statement or a question? Because you're sitting here, so..." I said I knew that, and I guess I'd survived it. I said it had actually gone fairly well, just us and my parents. How it's just all the anxiety leading up to it that was hard.

He asked why it was so stressful, and I said how all holidays are, really. How there are these expectations. I was crying, and he asked why (in a caring, not judgmental way). And I said I worried about screwing it up. I mentioned how once when I was a kid on Mother's Day, I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to go out for breakfast with my mom. And my dad basically said that I'd messed up Mother's Day. T2 said that was a very specific example. How he noticed I tended to have those. I said yes, that I remembered things that way, they stuck with me.

I brought up something that had happened shortly before the appointment. How H had come home from work and asked D if she wanted hamburgers. I asked when the hamburgers were from and H said maybe Monday. I checked online and said how they only keep 3-4 days. H said they were fine and "I'm not going to poison our daughter!" Which upset me. T2 asked how what H said felt. I said I felt he was being defensive and almost attacking me. And (crying again) that it made me feel the same as when my parents brushed aside my fears stemming from OCD--and on occasion even punished me for them. Talked about how maybe H felt I was judging him, how I wanted him to understand that it wasn't about him, it was more overwhelming thoughts in my head that I had to get out.

I made a comment about how I was probably just really annoying to H, saying things like that and other things. And wondered sometimes why he wanted to stay with me. But that I also realized some of that was projection, how he was annoying at times, too. And T2 was like, "Far be it from husbands to ever be annoying!" and laughed, and I laughed too, which calmed me a bit. I'd felt sort of panicky most of the session for some reason, though both the crying and laughing helped alleviate it.

Talked more about the OCD, fears of contamination/germs. He asked some things like how often I get sick in a year, how I feel immune system is compared to others. How maybe I take all these precautions, but still get sick periodically. And is getting sick so awful? I shared fears that people would be mad if I canceled on them when sick (stemming from my mom) or that if I got them sick. Mentioned seeing friends over the weekend, and I'd said I was getting over a cold, and one of them said they were, too. T2 said to think about that reaction--how often was that the reaction instead of someone being upset with me?

I said I often worried with things like holidays--what if I or D got sick, and then we couldn't go to, say, Thanksgiving? T2 asked so what if that happened--would my mom be mad vs. disappointed? How it would be OK. And he started saying that if my mom was mad at me for months because of it...I finished, "Well, that's on her, not me." He agreed.

He asked me how humans built up their immune systems, and I said, "Well, I guss by being exposed to germs..." And I shared how my daughter had licked a menu when she was really little, which of course made me freak out a bit, but she was fine. He also talked about how humans have one of the strongest digestive systems of all animals, how humans used to be scavengers and fight off the buzzards for food. And talked about how being sick is just something you deal with, how it's not that bad.

He said how I clearly tend to catastrophize. I said I know, how T1 had mentioned that. He said being aware of it helps. I said, "But how do I stop doing that?" I figured he'd say that was a topic for another session, since we only had 10 minutes left (and that was considering him going to an hour, as he generally does). Instead, he started trying to explain some strategies, like how some people will write about what they're feeling, the catastrophizing, then also more realistic thoughts about the fears.

He also said...I wish I could remember the exact term, but it was something like single-event generalization. Where I took one thing that happened (ruined Mother's Day by being sick) and generalized that to other events. And how that's not an accurate way of looking at things. How I need to consider all the other holidays--so maybe that's 1 out of 14 I'm thinking of, so that would be a more accurate statistic. I said that made sense.

Then he stood up, I thought to go to his computer for me to pay (and then maybe he'd schedule me after), but instead he went over to his bookcase, bent down, and grabbed a book. He sat back down and opened to a page with a chart that illustrated what he'd been talking about, then pointed out the different stages in there. It felt both awkward and nice that he was showing the stuff to me. He said that was an old book, and there were other methods, then gave me the name of another book he particularly liked (Feeling Good by David Burns). He looked it up on his phone, commenting how his new contacts were making it hard to read, then showed me the picture on Amazon (it was a whopping $5, so I went ahead and ordered it when I got home).

Talked another minute or two about that, then scheduled for next week. While I was paying him, I told him the awful analogy MC had made regarding H initiating intimacy and my rejecting. Before sharing it, I said how MC (who he used to work with) had said that he should probably go turn his license in right then that it was so bad. T2 said that MC was very self-deprecating, which made him endearing. I said, yes, that's part of what endeared him to me early on. Then I shared how he'd compared asking his son to get subs to that, and T2 seemed amused.

He said how it's still Thanksgiving weekend, and I was like, "Yeah...I know." He held out his hand, we shook hands (warm but just slightly sweaty), and he said, "Enjoy." I said, "Uh, you too." (he's really random with his parting words at times) and headed out.