Quote:
Originally Posted by SheilaKathy
In my situation, to my knowledge, I had done nothing for which I should have been bullied or picked on. However, I must admit that it is a repeating pattern throughout my life. I somehow must come across as a pushover or something, because I seem to attract bullies like flies are attracted to watermelon. I was asked not long ago if I am a pacifist. I had to answer yes, for most of my life, until about a month ago, I had never had in my mind for a second to harm anyone. I had always been too agreeable, if anything.
About a month ago, however, I was so upset and so fed up, that it crossed my mind to harm some of these people. I placed myself into treatment then, as I really did not want to harm anyone. So I did not harm anyone, of course. I was just very overly angry. Since then, as I have said, I have worked on anger management and assertiveness training. I will be working more on these things with my mental health professionals as time goes on.
|
SK, you know, I have been bullied a lot myself, in high school by classmates and as an adult multiple times in the workplace by someone above me. My dad, who is a psychiatrist, asked me one day "what do you think it is about you that makes you a target for these people?" It was a very good question.
I am a people pleaser type, I am very agreeable and am very "nice". I have been told by someone that I am far too nice. I wonder about this sometimes.
Those of us who are always very nice to others.... well, I think it exudes a certain type of vulnerability that bullies sense and also envy. I always wished I could be more of biotch and exude THAT quality more... but it is not in my DNA. Where I live, most women are biotches. They exude a standoffish -- don't come near me quality. I don't have that. I have a very approachable, friendly quality to me. I like people in general and am very nice to everyone I meet.
I think bullies, deep down, are envious of those they bully.
Perhaps you are a little like me --- I get the sense that you too, are a very nice, sweet and sincere person, to everyone you come across. This is a beautiful quality, but it may attract meanness from others.
The bottom line is that bullies are envious. In a very weird, twisted and screwed up way, it's flattery. You have something that they WANT and wish they could have. This is why people become mean, mainly.
So, you are a wonderful person! I, myself, am trying to learn in business at least how to not be such a people pleasing person, to assert myself more and my opinions. I am trying not to be the "yes' person and to have my say, even if it disagrees with my boss's opinion or another colleague's.
Your assertiveness training should help with this. Learning how to say "no", or how to offer a differing opinion and stand by it with confidence!
Bullies will always exist. It's how we manage it after the fact and what we think of ourselves after someone has been mean. Don't take it to heart. The weak always want to take down the strong. The mean people always wants to tear down the nice people.
You have a beautiful quality about you that is very special. Don't underestimate that.
I am not sure if this is helpful or not.... I am rambling... but sending many hugs ((((((((Hugs))))))))))))