Hi everyone, I am new to this forum. I found it through google, while looking for a safe space to get this off my chest. (Sorry I wrote an essay )

I am 26 years old and only just started to “accept” that I may have a toxic mother. My mother has, throughout my and my siblings lives, always been combative. In my pre-teens and teens she would yell quite a bit and hit me off and on (sadly this is quite common culturally, where I'm from so I never really questioned it). She was very over protective and controlling (still is, although not as bad). Only as an adult I am starting to make connections between my lack of confidence, self doubt and incompetency in certain situations to how she would prevent us from making our own decisions and thinking for ourselves.
Unlike my brother and sister who remained with her at home into their early 30s before getting married and moving out, constantly getting into fights and arguments, I chose to move away for four years to get a degree overseas when I was 21.
When I applied for my scholarship and started getting callbacks – a sign that the school and organization issuing the scholarship was interested in giving it to me, my mother even tried to tell me that I could not go. But at the time, I said to myself I don't care if she hates me for it, but I will get on that plane one way or another. However she did come to terms with it.
Flashforward to me at uni, my relationship with my mother became so much better. I even started justifying what she put us through by saying it was the only way to show us that she loved us. So much so that even if prior to leaving for school I had hopes of remaining overseas, after I graduated and worked for awhile, I told myself I wanted to spend a little more time with my family so I moved back home. Things were fine at first, my brother moved away to be with his wife, leaving my sis and I with my mom. Then things between my sister and mother grew incredibly sour, worse than it already was. Because I felt I understood my mother a little more, growing an appreciation for her while overseas, I thought my sister could have done a little more to make things right but I never pressured her about it, because I knew where she was coming from.
My sister has since left the house leaving it to just my mother and myself. I am 2 months in and woke up randomly in the middle of the night last night, and almost killed myself because of how bad I felt. My mother regularly stops speaking to me for different reasons. Sometimes for a day or more. She would get angry if she does or says something to me and I stick up for myself (sometimes, I admit, I yell back at her, which I am not proud of. I have even apologized in some instances, though she has never)
Our arguments usually occur when she is trying to be controlling; shouting at me while I'm driving – although she has never driven in her life -, trying to tell me what to do with my money, or when she insults me (telling me i'm lazy etc.) It gets to me because she said stuff like that (and worse) when I was in my teens and I believed her and thought I was such an invalid. Then I went to UNI, lived on my own and realized none of it were true and that I am pretty great lol. I even graduated at the top of my class when before UNI I was average at best. But because I know both sides, I see the psychological implications her saying things like that to me can have and my instincts are to shut it down quickly. But then she thinks I am out of line. She takes in nothing I say, even when I explain that, for instance, I don't like her name calling because it is hurtful, reminds me of my teens and is untrue and out of anger she tries to punish me by giving me the cold shoulder. This happens atleast once a week.
On Thursday it happened again but this time I had no idea what I did and felt very uncomfortable. At one point in the night I asked her what I did and she started yelling, saying that I had gotten defensive a few hours earlier when I came to pick her up at the bus stop after work and she asked if [I] didn't see that it was raining to drive closer to the bus stop to come get her, to which I responded, quite calmly too, or atleast from my perspective, that it had only just started drizzling where I was at (which was the obvious truth) – not to mention she was the one who told me to wait for her where I was parked.
All in all though, I am really tired of this, especially since she does this at her own discretion. She treats me this way up until the next morning or whenever she feels like it and begins talking to me again like nothing happened.
My mother took great care of us physically and domestically. I can hardly remember a time when we didn't have food on the table and we always had a place to sleep, books in our bags and clothes to wear. But I am emotionally exhausted and the resentment and hateful feelings that spring on me are not good for my spirit. I do not want to just go and leave her behind to fend for herself, because 1) where we live is not safe and 2) she needs help with her bills etc and I am trying to save up and start my own business so living together benefits us both. But I do think it's time to create some distance.