thanks for a different perspective on the results perna and sunny. The result did scare me.

Another thing that scares me is taking a hard look at myself in a way I never have. Because in the past, those in authority have not used it to help me but to hurt me.

One therapist on my first session handed me a therapy contract about boundaries/suicide and contracting not to do it.

I have no idea why she started out like that other than I had gone to her because I scratched my face a little bit during an episode with my first husband. But she didn't know that until I told her. Anyway, it humiliated me so I never went back.

When I told T I know I cross some boundaries with him he shook his head in agreement. So knowing this and taking the test, I am assuming he is going to hand me a contract this coming Wednesday.

Is sending a fax breaking boundaries? I know calls can be, asking for additional time or sessions etc. I'm going to ask him how else I've crossed boundaries...the answer kind of scares me though.

I'm so sad because I feel like something inside me has died...I'm looking at my T in a whole new light. The fantasy in my head about being his friend is just that, a fantasy.

I realize that now and have cried all week about it. If he is going to be able to help me and if I am going to be able to go deeper, I need to maintain his boundaries so he doesn't lose respect for me.

If I respect and care for him as I say I do then I need to respect his boundaries. I just need to know exactly what that means to him. I just don't want one of those written contracts. I realize I am assuming he will give me one but I had a second session last week and then the fax....I'm scared.