Since you are feeling worried about being able to trust yourself, seeing your pdoc sounds like a good plan. Maybe just talking about this with him will help lessen your anxiety.

I have the same fears as you, about T pushing me out the door - abandoning or rejecting me), even after all the time I've been seeing her. It doesn't help me when I know she's going to be away, no matter how far ahead I know. I think I'm ready, then when she's gone, the feelings escalate.

It's understandable to want to be rescued from the fears and feelings you're having. Does your T allow you to email or leave voice mail messages? I used to call her work number and listen to her recorded message, to help me.

When do you see your T next?