Selfy, if those characteristics fit you, I would recommend taking inventory of your life to see how it's hurting you. Don't minimize the impact that codependency has on you and the people around you. People who are condependent tend to feel that they are being helpful, and they get their feelings of self-worth from what they do to try to help others. But the reality is that they are helping in ways that are enabling or destructive, both to the people they try to help and to themselves. Even if the other person is a good person.

My mother was (is) codependent, and managed to destroy most of her children's ability to take care of ourselves and live our own lives. And that's in a family with no substance abuse. One brother is dead (suicide), because he believed that he couldn't accomplish anything with his life. I know you have good intentions, but I had to speak up about the seriousness of codependency because I know how it affected me and my family. I'm still trying to recover from it, and I left home almost 20 years ago.

The following is long. It is a paper that I wrote about the difference between codependency and real caring, based on the framework of the Co-DA checklist you posted. Some of the examples are made up, but some are from personal experience:

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Codependence vs. Caring
Although not a diagnostic category included in the DSM-IV-TR, codependence refers to a pattern of relationships seen in dysfunctional families. Dysfunctional families may result where one or more parent or family member abuses alcohol or other substances, and the focus of the family turns to the alcoholism or addiction; or where other compulsive behaviors develop, perhaps in response to chronic illness or mental illness (Matthews, 1993). Other family situations leading to dysfunction include abuse, and families that adhere to rigid fundamentalism or dogma. Dysfunctional families develop rules that limit communication, individual expression of emotions, and healthy problem-solving or coping strategies. Basically, a member of such a family is prohibited from acknowledging whatever problems exist in the family, relationships, or family members. Family members are expected to keep up the appearance of a perfect family by denying and covering up any symptoms of dysfunction, even when it means enabling, or assisting other family members to continue the very problems that are at the root of the family dysfunction. Members of dysfunctional families tend to take the rules and patterns that they have learned with them into their other significant relationships and their own families. Thus, codependence and addiction become intergenerational problems, as adult children of dysfunctional families often become addicts themselves, surround themselves with addicts, and/or interact in such a manner as to promote the development of addiction and dysfunctional relationships.
Codependents Anonymous (1998) has developed a list of patterns and characteristics of codependence. These include patterns of denial, low self-esteem, compliance, and control. These symptoms will be compared to differences between a codependent family and a functional, loving and caring family.
Denial Patterns
According to Codependents Anonymous (CoDA), denial patterns include denial of feelings. This includes difficulty identifying one’s feelings, minimization, alteration, or denial of how one feels, and perception of oneself as unselfish and dedicated to others’ well-being.
In a dysfunctional family, individual family members’ feelings may be perceived by others as threatening, uncomfortable, or otherwise unacceptable. For example, a daughter starts to feel angry because Mom promised to make cookies for the daughter’s fundraiser, and forgot, so now the daughter is forced to make due on her own, or show up empty-handed. In a family where communication is restricted, the daughter might start to express her feelings, only to be told that she should not be angry, and should just be thankful that she has a mother who raised her and gave her life. The message received is “you are not allowed to be angry – change it to a feeling that is acceptable to the family instead.” When this child grows up, she may question her own feelings, label them as wrong or bad, and attempt to change her feelings to align with what she was taught that she is supposed to feel. Her own true feelings seem selfish to her, as they might make someone uncomfortable, and they only emphasize her own needs, and therefore denying them is the unselfish thing to do.
In a loving and caring family, a mother may still forget to bake cookies, and the daughter may feel angry. The difference is that functional families allow their members to feel their feelings. Perhaps the mother would acknowledge the daughter’s anger, and apologize for forgetting. She might also reassure her daughter that it is okay to feel angry even at people we love, and then they might discuss how the problem of the forgotten cookies could be remedied.
Low Self-Esteem Patterns
Low self-esteem includes difficulty making decisions and judging oneself as never good enough. Recognition and praise are received with embarrassment or shame. It does not feel okay to ask for what one needs or wants. A person with low self-esteem craves approval from others, as one’s own self-approval is meaningless. This person feels unlovable and not worthwhile.
Codependence involves such a need to please others, often motivated by an inability to please oneself. Unfortunately, pleasing others is never enough either. The codependent wife might not be able to decide which dress to wear, so she asks her husband. If he says that she would look nice no matter what she chooses, she could just be embarrassed, or think that he doesn’t mean it. At other times, maybe she was told that she wore the wrong dress, and maybe she showed off too much (or too little) of her body. When this woman wants to buy a new dress, or needs help with a project, she is afraid to ask. She feels that she isn’t worth it, or maybe she is afraid that her husband will tell her no, and that if he did, her self-esteem would drop even lower. Somewhere she has learned that her decisions, even small ones, are often wrong, and that it is not what she thinks that matters. Her needs have probably been denied, and she has learned to feel bad or selfish if she needs anything for herself.
Members of a more functional family are able to make independent decisions, but still recognize the importance of including other family members in bigger decisions that affect the entire group. Each person’s opinions are considered, and everyone’s needs taken into account. Everyone doesn’t always get everything that they want or ask for, but an effort is made to recognize those that are priorities, and to make sure that everyone’s requests are honored at least some of the time. It is acceptable to ask for favors, and even if the answer is no, it isn’t a crushing rejection because an answer of “no” is not a personal rejection.
Compliance Patterns
Codependent people fear the anger of others, and will compromise their own values in order to avoid having someone mad at them. They pick up on the feelings of others, and may feel the same as someone else. They are so loyal that they will stay in harmful situations when they are being hurt or are at risk. What someone else thinks and feels seems more important than one’s own thoughts and feelings, and contradicting the thoughts and feelings of others by expressing one’s own opinions is scary. One’s own interests and hobbies are sacrificed in favor of what someone else wants to do. Sex may be accepted in place of love.
One scenario is the teenaged girl who has learned codependent patterns of interacting, and is dating. She feels her partner’s desire and intensity, is afraid of anger and rejection, and may allow herself to be used although she isn’t all that attracted and doesn’t really want to participate in a sexual relationship yet. She feels unable to voice her true feelings, or suggest what she really would rather do. She wants to be loved, and reasons that her partner’s desire for her must be love.
In contrast, a teen from a more functional family is more likely to have learned to stand up for his or her own values, and to respect his or her own feelings. Loving families teach self-advocacy and provide opportunity and encouragement to practice it. Members of these families feel loved by their family members, and can recognize love and distinguish it from substitutes. They are less likely to feel starved for love and affection (or imitations or substitutes) from outside sources.
Control Patterns
Codependence can include a belief that most other people are not able to take care of their own needs. A codependent person may feel compelled to convince others of what they should feel, or should think. He or she may offer advice and directions, gifts and favors, unasked for, and when the help is rejected, he or she feels put out. Sex may be used to gain approval and acceptance. To be in a relationship means to be needed.
The parents of a dysfunctional family might believe that their grown children would make too many mistakes if left on their own to plan their lives, so the parents tell them who to date and marry, what jobs to take, how to raise their children, etc. The parents may even sabotage their children’s efforts to become independent, because the parents need someone to take care of. Grown children who stop taking advice and assistance are seen as ungrateful, may be viewed as cut off from the family.
In a loving and caring family, the parents understand that their role is to help their children to grow up and become independent, competent adults who can take care of themselves. Parents still feel a sense of loss when their children leave home, and they are available and pleased to be asked for advice, or to listen to a son or daughter who just wants to talk things over. The difference is that they accept their grown children as competent adults who can live their own lives. They may be eager to lend support, but they don’t try to take over, or to force anybody to do it their way. They allow their children to make mistakes and to face the consequences.
Conclusion
These behaviors serve to maintain the illusion of being a perfect, loving, caring family. They distract from problems that may exist such as addiction and/or abuse. But in attempting to maintain an illusion, true love and care are prevented because nobody is allowed to be real, and it is impossible to wholly love someone for who they are and simultaneously deny who they are and force them to assume a false self. The very problems that are meant to be hidden are actually exacerbated and created intergenerationally.
Codependence may be a concept from “pop psychology,” but nevertheless the patterns exist in many families, and individuals who learn codependent relational patterns do tend to re-create the same or similar patterns over and over again. As an individual diagnosis, codependence is questionable simply because it requires relationships with others in order to show its symptoms. Definitions of codependence vary, and the patterns are also addressed by other names in theories such as attachment theory and family systems. Perhaps the label is not important, but the concepts seem valid and worth recognizing and addressing.

References
Codependents Anonymous. (1998). Patterns and characteristics of codependence. Retrieved July 4, 2007, from: UTIN: http://www.utin.org/coda.html#patterns
Matthews, D.W. (1993). Dysfunctional families: The problem behind the problem. Retrieved July 3, 2007, from North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service: http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/hu...bs/fcs4104.pdf

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