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Lemoncake · Nov 25, 2017, 06:02 PM

I hope everyone is doing well.

Possible trigger:

At this moment I'm trying to distract myself from SI urges and have picked out an old 1995 Sandra Bollock movie to watch (the net).

We were given the chance to view another autopsy after our usual pathology class on tuesday. I asked if I could leave again. I found it too emotionally overwhelming . I cried on a off that week just thinking that I wasn't strong enough to cope like the others. That I was ungrateful because I was healthy and didn't want to live, yet surrounded by sick patients who didn't want to be in hospital.

I feel like R really heard me last session and I felt more connected to him- but I'm aware of this very strong urge to walk away from him and to be so damn mean and nasty and tell him that I hate him- just after I've bought him a present for Christmas . After almost a year in therapy the old me would have already sent him a termination letter and turned up to our next session very very angry and lashed out, but the new me will not act up and just tell him the above. That is progress

! There's also a lot of small other things but I feel like I've been tamed in a sense- I still get upset but I've realized I I'm not experiencing my old rages or even going up as high on my anger scale anymore. I feel more rational & less emotional.