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Old Nov 25, 2017, 07:16 PM
mr.whatzit.tooya mr.whatzit.tooya is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: Massachuetts
Posts: 1
I'm really sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong category but I'm new here and I dont know how things work. I signed up here to ask this question cause I don't know where else to turn at the moment.

Today i was reading about maladaptive daydreaming and it sounds somewhat similar to what I do, but also significantly different. But first, a littl backstory: I'm a 21 year old man and I was severely emotionally abused from ages 11+ and it basically broke me down completely to the point where I have basically no self esteem, etc.
Anyway, I have a compulsive tendency to construct elaborate fantasy worlds in my head, and make up fictional personas for myself to go along with them, and it's definitely some kind of coping mechanism I've subconsciously developed over these years of abuse .
But where it diverges from what seems to be the "typical" case of maladaptive daydreaming is the fact that I have a tendency to "overlay" them into my everyday life... I use them to "augment" reality instead of escape from it, if that makes any sense.
At the same time, I never lose touch with "real" reality, and these fantasies exist purely in my head and don't affect my behavior.
The most accurate comparison I can make is to a child playing pretend, with the difference being that I never "act it out" and instead it exists purely in my imagination. It's like "half-pretending" in that I'm never fully pretending, but it's always going on in the back of my mind.
For example, I could be walking down the street in my hometown but I'll be pretending I'm walking down the street somewhere else, like Russia or something, and that I'm some fictional character I made up. And I'll spend a lot of time imagining what my surroundings would look like, usually inspired by my actual surroundings. But i never really "detach" from reality and I automatically "snap out of it" the minute I have to interact with someone or pay attention to something in the real world.
I guess the best way I could describe it is that when I'm not doing anything that requires much attention, my mind wanders into this kind of "pretend play" mode. I don't really show any outward signs of it or behavioral changes so I'm sure my friends and family would be shocked to learn how often I'm pretending I'm in like medieval times, or some sort of a post-apocalyptic future society.
While it doesn't really impair my functioning in the real world, it does cause me a lot of distress cause I spend copious amounts of time coming up with these fictional worlds and agonizing over every tiny detail of the backstory, etc. it's really kind of an extreme annoyance to me cause I can never really be satisfied with these worlds i create so it becomes kind of like a "thought loop" where I can't stop coming up with and changing little details.
I don't know what you would call this, but I know it's not normal and I wish I could stop doing that and I could enjoy life without constantly half-pretending I'm somewhere else.

I guess my question is, does this sound like a form of maladaptive daydreaming?. I also really wanna know if what I said makes sense to anyone cause I can't find anything exactly like it on the internet.
Hugs from:
mostlylurking