Yesterday was another example of my failings as a husband/father. Arising on another seemingly average morning, I gauged my mood as not being too bad. I was getting a cold but otherwise I was relatively okay. Then there was a trigger and next thing I knew, I was angry and bitter. What set this off? My wife told me if I wanted our 2 year old daughter to stop opening and shutting the door then I should close the gate going into the hallway behind me. Yep, that was it.

Now in my mind that was a personal attack, an affront on my ability to raise our child. I did not like it and I let her know it. I am of the mind that our daughter shouldn't mess with doors because we should not let her do it. Regardless, it isn't that big of a deal but in my bipolar insanity it was.

After that spat I was on the computer attempting to put my name in for a couple of jobs. The state I live in requires anyone on unemployment (yes, I lost my job a few months ago) to put his name in for a certain number of jobs each week. I could not find my resume anywhere on the computer. When I questioned my wife about it she said she had deleted a lot of material from the computer and must have inadvertantly gotten rid of it. Yep, you guessed it, I flipped out.

The point is this...my state of mind makes it very difficult for me to deal with even the smallest setback. And my wife and child are on the receiving end of my craziness. I don't have a great way of fixing this. I am unmedicated and do not have insurance. I can't get free medical because I make a little too much in unemployment to qualify. I can't afford to purchase insurance because it's ridiculous to buy. So these two have to live with me and worst of all, I'm not working so I'm around all the time. The only break they get is when my wife goes to work M-F and takes the baby with her.

The point of this post isn't really to accomplish anything except to vent I suppose. Does anyone else out there have similar problems?