So, I am dating again, but am still reflecting on my last relationship.

I feel SO incredibly STUPID and ASHAMED of myself. I know I cannot and should not beat myself up, but I AM.

I fed into my ex's proclamations of true love and all of his empty promises. I didn't know they were empty at the time, but I fed into ALL of it, hook line and sinker. He fed me lines, and I ate up ALL of it.

What I am most ashamed of was my great need to be loved. I was in such a needy place at the time, that I ignored ALL red flags because I just wanted to feel loved, to be loved and to be head over heels in love.

It was a whirlwind romance, where I fell for him within a matter of a couple weeks. Within one month, I was head over heels in love. Within two months he was telling me he wanted to marry me and be with me for the rest of his life.

All this tells me is to take it slowly this go around and to LEARN from this big, vast mistake.

But man, do I feel sooooo stupid. $11,000 dollars lost after that relationship.. not that money is everything, but it's not just the money..... it's my feelings of self-respect.

I DID walk away from him, and therefore, my self-respect is at least somewhat salvaged.

I just feel so damn foolish, naive and pathetic for having walked down that plank towards my own demise.

Dammit.... I wish I knew then what I now know of him. I wish I had paid better attention and I wish I had never done that to myself. I did not need that..... I did not need to go through that nightmare and that awful breakup that left me reeling for a long time.

I really did not need this.....

I write on my own happiness blog about forgiving oneself for mistakes. I am struggling with this right now. This was a HUGE BIG FAT mistake that I could have avoided, had my head my screwed on straight, but it wasn't at all. I was not in a good place at the time. I lacked the confidence I now have taken back.

And now I am left with shame, embarrassment and well... I'm just kicking myself for being so damned stupid and pathetic. UGH.