Quote:
Originally Posted by Arbie
Why is it that when some people find out that something upsets, annoys, or maybe even triggers us, their immediate reaction is one of these:
1. To do it right away. "My name is Ted. I wish people wouldn't call me Teddy." -- "OK, Teddy."
2. To exaggerate it. "Hi, Teddy. What's up, Teddy? How's it going, Teddy? Isn't it lovely weather today, Teddy? You look pissed, Teddy. What's the matter, Teddy?"
3. To do something so closely related, it might as well be the same thing, and then claim it's totally different. "OK, Teddy Bear."
4. To do something even worse. "OK, Ugly."
Then, of course, they laugh at Ted's frustration and annoyance. If Ted complains about it in any way, he is told he is being controlling and has no sense of humor. In the case of #3 and #4, which are *obviously* different things altogether, he just can't be satisfied and is looking for something to complain about.
I'm told it's just human nature, because people don't like being told what to do. If I say something annoys me, and the other person stops doing it, then they have given up power to me. In order to take power back for themselves, they have to do the opposite of what I asked. When I was young and still had contact with my family, a lot of them would do this kind of thing on purpose, to show me that I don't control them.
And yes, they do claim it's "just a joke."
Is it harmless human nature? Joking? Or a form of abuse?
|
You mention 'control' and 'controlling' several times. Decent, kind, and thoughtful people will stop calling you by a name you don't like once they realize you mean it when you say 'stop'.
I would wait until they say it the first time to say, "I don't like being called Teddy." I could not tell by what you wrote whether you are waiting or not.
Personally, I don't like it when someone tries to 'head off' ill-behavior that I
never do anyway--it offends me for someone to say "please clean up after yourself" while I am making a sandwich in the kitchenette at work -- when
I am not the one leaving a mess (for example).
So if you introduce yourself to me as "Ted" I'll call you Ted. Not anything else. But someone else, feeling friendly towards you,
might call you Teddy or even Teddy Bear--then
at that point, you can politely but
firmly request they not do that. If they do try to push it, you can request they stop, once more, and
do not be smiling when you make this second request while looking them in the eye.
I have tried "not reacting' to provoking behavior. Overall, I have found it just begets more provoking behavior. Bullies will bully and they are drawn like magnets to people with polite, decent behavior. What you might see as forbearance, they will see as weakness and they won't stop until you stop giving them opportunities. Stop speaking to them and start walking away.
Passive aggressive louts--male and female--are abusive. What you are describing--
when it does not stop and you have asked that it be stopped -- is abuse.
This is my perspective. I hope it helps.