Quote:
Originally Posted by DanceEngine7
It's not really a fear of commitment. I have my reasons but do not want to write it all out on here. My life is not where I want it. If I explained it, it would make sense. I know what I am doing is still wrong no matter what. It was supposed to be just a sexual thing but I know I am in over my head. I have cryed many times since it started. it is up and down. When it is up I feel amazing! I do it for the excitement. I feel I do not deserve anything and I am stuck in a rut, and am lonely. I don't want to expose the real me to a "real" single man so I play a married one. it is like I am getting what I want from them, but not for real. I don't have to tell them who I really am.
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Oh dear. Sweetheart, affairs only end in pain and sadness. Then if the spouse ever found out, you are causing someone else much pain and sadness. It hurts to be betrayed and cheated on, more than is bearable.
Yes, affairs cause enormous stress.
If you fear letting a single man in, why not just take your time with relationships? When you take things slowly, you can slowly let someone into your world, after you've built trust with them. Not everything has to be out out on the table right away.
I recommend ending this before you get even deeper and before someone really gets hurt, which could also be you! Seems you are ambivalent since you block and unblock him.
Affairs never lead to anything good. Loneliness is not a good reason for having an affair. You can be with other men.. SINGLE MEN. (((((((Hugs)))))))