All the people I blamed and called emotional vampires and it was me all along. I didn’t know it was pride. I’m full of pride and I’m sorry. I just wanted to help, to be of use......for someone to be helped by what I have to say. I can’t help myself or my family but if I helped you beyond and Jennifer, I’m glad to know this. I do t want to dredge up the pain for you so I do t ask what I said or how I how, I’m just glad I did. I try to be of help. I’m afraid I’m not capable of what I need to do to stop all this torment. I’m not sure what torment is coming from inside and what from outside. I’m not sure of anything. I want to be more than I am. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I do and I have. I’m not a Jezebelle but I see now I’ve acted like one. I’m insecure and feel worthless because I should and I want so desperately to fix it but don’t know how. I want to wipe the slate clean. I want to apologize to everyone I’ve met or made feel uncomfortable with my oddities. I want to make people feel good about themselves.....to know there worth. I want to stop feeling worthless but that’s going to take a lot of work and I’m afraid I don’t have what is required. I don’t know what to do about my medication. I don’t know.