And also, I know that I can be a challenging and difficult person and I'm sorry for that. I'm just in a rough place and I've been through so much pain, that it's so hard to figure things out.

And, I have a hard time forgiving myself for always screwing things up.

I caused a problem at the pharmacy before I left. It began with a note telling the pharmacist that I loved him. He must have said something to the manager which lead to them telling me that it would be best if I transferred pharmacies. So the last time that I talked to that pharmacy manager, I apologized. He said he's open to going to coffee with me but it has to be at least a year. He said next October.

He's been on vacation this month and I haven't saw him in person since October 18th.

Looking back on it, I think it was just that I loved him as a person. He's only 5 years older than me and he also occasionally took the time to answer questions about Pharmacy school and I asked him if he would write a recommendation for me when it's time for me to apply.

He's a truly good person. The coffee thing is purely a casual and friendly thing. He agreed to coffee with me after a year and that was my suggestion. That would allow time to pass between the time that I was a customer and now just a regular person. He has also been an incredible resource for information on succeeding in the pharmacy profession.

It's been a little over a month since I walked out of the pharmacy.

He's the best pharmacist that I'd ever had but if he stayed my pharmacist, then coffee would be impossible.

I miss talking to him.

I look forward to coffee with him in the future but now I'm so embarrassed about calling the store or going by there because I'm not sure how to phrase the question.

I don't regret the situation with him. I genuinely care about him as a person and I know that he is someone that I'd like to have as a friend.