I only read Linda Sherbey's article, "Misery", and also think she was condescending and lacked empathy.
For one, the therapist made so much about her rather than the client. Perhaps if she was focused on the client rather than being preoccupied with herself, it wouldn't be so dreary and she could help the client get to a better place. The T also sounded like she was complaining about the client rather than trying to understand.
Here, she put her in a box, predicting her reaction instead of recognizing her autonomy and individuality and positive capacity. I recognize this as my T has done it more than a few times.This is just crappy:
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Knowing I am about to make a futile statement, I say, “So that’s something that worked out well.”
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Not only that, but this statement ^ was unhelpful at best. Maybe that's why her statement was futile--because it was useless. Plus premature or anticipatory ideals or conclusions can cause them to manifest in reality (ie, if I think I'm going to fail, I sort of set myself up to fail.)
This is a crappy attitude as well:
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I wonder how many times I have said things such as, ‘life can be difficult and you’ve certainly had a difficult time, but life can bring lots of joy as well.' I remain silent.
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Another useless statement, but at least she didn't say it. No wonder they get nowhere.
Here she blames the client for her feelings and makes her responsible for her own:
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“What is it that you want from me right now?” I ask. I hear my choice of words, the tone of my voice and realize that Beth is making me feel as she feels – burdened, put upon, ineffectual, despairing. Ineffectual. That’s an interesting word to flit through my mind. Perhaps that’s what Beth feels. Now alone, she feels unable to competently contend with life.
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I understand the concept of projective identification, but therapists will say you can't make another person feel something/one isn't responsible for another's feelings; yet at the same time, claim the client is making you feel a certain way. The T doesn't own her feelings at all.
At least she recognized her tone and choice of words, which shows her own stuff was getting in the way. I don't see how she was managing her feelings effectively at all..
Instead of being collaborative with the client, she's kind of ****** through it all. Client, you are on your own--tough luck! I find these statements very unhelpful and personally don't think a person is going to, or even should, give up wanting to be cared about. That's unnatural and unrealistic and even unnecessary.
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“I definitely hear how overwhelmed you feel, Beth. Like there are all these things that happen on a day to day basis and then there are all the things that might happen. How are you going to cope?”
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"But I wonder, Beth, if it would be more helpful to you if you were able to see your own strength, if you were able to realize that you’re far more capable than you think you are.”
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“I understand, Beth, that it’s very difficult to give up on wanting the love and caretaking you never had, but there’s no way to get that kind of caretaking as an adult. It doesn’t mean you can’t be loved and cherished, but you can’t go back to being the child and, in the end, it does feel much better to have confidence in your ability to take care of your adult self.”
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It looked like the client was ok with it, so that's what matters i suppose.
I know I'm in a snarky mood myself (trying my best to contain it here rather than let it spill over IRL at work etc) and am being a bit reactive here, but she put herself out there in the blog so her style is open for discussion and critique. However, I still think I'd feel this way no matter how good of a mood I was in as I've read other therapists' take on sessions in books and felt positive reactions...though my words might be kinder if I decided to be empathetic to the therapist's troubles (from this post, she seems troubled herself).
So perhaps some of it is personal. I don't like this therapist's style but think she is superficial, ineffective and think the T is contributing to the misery of the sessions and the client.
I'd be interested in the style of a T who is more empathetic, positive, insightful, and sophisticated--and I think that can be realized while still remaining honest. And all the crap about "taking care of yourself." No ****, many of us had done that all our life. We don't need to be constantly reminded that we are alone in it all!