Sure, I wasn't referring to impossible wishes. Not sure if you saw where I said I wasn't referring to unrealistic needs. But how do you know the clients wish to be taken care of was impossible? Maybe she has that need to a healthy degree. Why pathologize it?

In thinking of other examples--I really like to be physical and like a lot of affection and sex with my partner. Obviously this stuff manifested in therapy. I talked about it with my T to a certain extent but he sort of made the sexual feelings 'go away'. At no time did I want to have sex with him realistically, but I did enjoy the feelings.

Instead of acting like the feelings were pathological, what what have been helpful for me was for my T to accept that part of me. We'd explore the needs and then I'd come to a place where I was comfortable with the needs and myself for having them. Afterwards, in relationships, I can accept that I am a very physical person. That knowledge about myself would help me in choosing a partner, anticipating dealing with the needs, etc., Does that make sense?

I guess what is bothering me is the issue I had with my T 'putting me in a box', so to speak. I was in therapy before him for several years; therapy that was helpful and gave me the self understanding I needed. And despite all my issues that remain, I feel I am competent and well grounded in reality. I tried to tell my T that just because I have sexual feelings for him, doesn't mean I see him unrealistically, want to have sex with him. They just manifested in the transference, but I feel like I could separate the wishes from reality.