Well that's a fake blog post anyway, not that it still can't be discussed....Thanks for saying that about my Ts reaction to sexual feelings. He could talk about it to some extent unlike some Ts and generally says anything is ok to talk about, but there were some issues that I don't want to get into right now. The effect was my feelings of affection for him seemed rejected. And it wasn't because he didn't reciprocate; there were certain behaviors from his end...

So going back to examples.

There was a breaking point in my therapy where I 'couldn't take it anymore'. He did old school psychoanalytic, withholding all my needs. In that process, they were pathologized. Anyway, my T said my anger pushed him away from me. I recognized my anger, why it happened, but also wanted him to acknowledge his role (he did not) outside of the transference. Also, I read here that you bring your stuff to the T relationships, behaviors that you already have will manifest in the therapy. etc

Where before I would hate myself for my behavior when angry; self-loathe. I still do to some extent but it's changed. Now I am arguing with him inside my head; defending myself. In my head, he is saying I was causing the relational problems, bringing it upon myself. We focused on that for ages.

But then I realized just recently, that my employer sees me as someone good with conflict. I am known as the people person, leadership skills, etc. If I was so terrible with relationships, how could I have these contradictory experiences?

So the arguing in my head is my saying to him, in response to his blaming me for all relational issues--leadership at work gave me x, y, z assignments/roles due to my interpersonal skills. Then I think about how this is a pattern over the years--being a person with good interpersonal skills. It feels like the therapy relationship brought out the excessive anger, which by the way, I am still struggling with managing.

So WTF. Anyone else argue with their T like this in their mind?