I realise that it may sound cynical but in some sense it seems good that you have been able to direct your anger from yourself towards him.

I've also struggled to find my anger and for a long time it was quite intolerable during sessions - at this time I was acting out a lot during my sessions. I still get angry in sessions and don't want to admit it. I still hate that he is able to tolerate my anger and is not destroyed by it (what's the point of getting angry and expressing it when it doesn't destroy the other person?!?). It makes me feel (think?) that my anger is still powerless and should have more strength so that it would really have an effect on him. On the other hand I understand how stupid all these thoughts are and how lucky I've been that he has been able to take and absorb it all without needing to retaliate or pathologize me.

I don't know about other people's experiences but I have found excessive anger difficult to manage, even with the help of a good T. I can only imagine how difficult it can be to struggle with it alone feeling that the T himself contributed at least partially to that anger and to the fact that you are left alone to process it.