Today at work was horrible. I feel like a failure, and it is negatively impacting me. I am so overwhelmed and for some reason it is bringing up my abandonment fears. Something is wrong with me. Will I ever be sane? Will I ever be able to weather the storm without losing myself? Where have I gone? I can't deal with the amount of work that is being given to me, and yet that is my task. My anxiety is skyrocketing and I wish I could just give up. I keep pushing forward but feel like waving a white flag.

I miss the days when I could just text you and ask it we are okay and your response would make me feel SO much better. What happened? I don't know how I got here, but me trying to soothe myself isn't working. This is completely devastating to me. I feel like a failure at dealing with myself. Why do I have to be so difficult to deal with? Why can't I let myself soothe myself? I feel so DESOLATE. I'm trying to be compassionate with myself but the words don't translate into a meaning for me. What does this look like? How does one treat oneself with compassion? I remember telling you that I can't feel compassion for myself because it makes me feel vulnerable, and when I think of being kind to myself, I just feel defensive. help