Hello nigel: There's not really much I can tell you about all of this. But I noticed no one had yet replied to your post. So I thought I would. I don't know if what you describe might possibly constitute being bi-gender. Hopefully other PC members will have more knowledgeable thoughts to share with you. In the meantime, however, I thought I would just mention (in case you're interested in exploring it) the website: bigender.net. Here's a link to it:

Bigender.net Journals

Perhaps it can be of some assistance with your efforts to gain clarification.