So, you're saying that I should give up my sense of morality and my mental stability to see to it that he's sastisfied? Being violent to him isn't an option because I care about him too much, and it brings up painful memories of my abuse and things I did to others in anger.

No...I don't think this will ever be an option....that's why I made this thread...to get advice on what I CAN do to make this work.