Thread: Numb
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Old Nov 28, 2017, 04:51 AM
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sugahorse1 sugahorse1 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 7,878
I guess this is unique to everyone and probably a medication issue more so than anything, but I am struggling with being emotionally numb. Well, in a physical way.
E.g. I cannot cry, and I also battle to show pure happiness.

Internally I sometimes feel like I am totally broken, almost suicidal, extremely lonely and pessimistic.
I get very happy and appreciative when someone does things for me, or situations have positive outcomes. But I battle to show that emotion physically.

I had a REALLY bad day on Sunday, and was with my best friend. I told her I was feeling terrible (Emotioanlly). I really felt I was crashing badly. But I don't think I could get the severity across accurately. She could understand that there was something wrong, but probably not quite how bad.
Another person would have broken down and burst into tears.
Once I got home, I sent her a message, allowing me to write about my emotions more elaborately.
We currently have 2 horses at our yard who's futures are a little dicey (One possibly has epilepsy and another is an older horse with a leg injury) - I seem so emotionless about it.
My friend's dad passed away 2 weeks ago, and I was spending 3 evenings a week having supper with him, so we were technically quite close, but I never felt real sadness.

It is a concern to me.

The only things I feel are internal (Depression and hypomania, anxiety...) but some things I don't even feel internally. And none of them I know how to express externally.
__________________
"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller"

Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified

Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn
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