Thank you all for your kind replies It feels good for people to just hear me without shaming. Thank you.

I was a terribly hurt child. I wish I could reach back into the past and give that lonely confused child a hug, and say "I'm here. I love you. You don't have to be afraid anymore"

I guess that child is still a part of me. I can heal those parts of me. I want to grow past it. I want to clear away all the hurt and grow something beautiful there. I just need to be kind to myself.

Thank you