I think individual therapy is about the problems the individual in therapy is having with themselves and the outside world, not necessarily problems they have in the marriage? If spouses have trouble with something (usually "communication") then they could try couples therapy for their marriage.

I don't hide anything from my husband concerning "us". But I don't have to share everything about "me" if I don't want to and if it doesn't have anything to do with the marriage or my relationship with him. My husband doesn't "understand" therapy, didn't feel I needed to go or want to spend the $800 a month out-of-pocket on it but is extremely supportive of me and my knowing what I want and need. I took a full-time job in order to provide the extra money to pay for therapy and my husband then didn't feel like "he" was paying for my therapy. But, if I hadn't taken the job, he would have paid because he loves me but he wouldn't have been a happy camper about it :-)

I don't think feelings are public property. My feelings are "mine" alone and I can share or not share them with whomever I choose. No one can demand or expect you to share your feelings with them, even one's spouse. All feelings are legitimate but not all actions are. I can feel I love someone but if I'm "pledged" to another and do not dissolve that pledge before I pursue that someone else, I don't think that's very nice :-)

But loving someone, of any sex, is not a bad thing. We love our father's and may have sexual fantasies of movie stars, etc. but no counts them as "wrong" because they're not acted on in real time. I think one can love a therapist, either sex and the transference shows us father, mother, lover, the main "characters" of our lives in 3D so we can "see" how we react to others in the world. Pretending the feelings aren't there or not paying attention to them doesn't make them go away. We do think about others and love others beside one person and there is all sorts of stuff wandering around in our unconscious as one can see from one's dreams. Thoughts and feelings are not actions and I think it's really only the actions that "count".