i don't care about getting rid of it now. it's partly hereditary and as much me as my eye color or kidneys. if there were a magic button where i could reverse time and convert myself back to 14 and do high school with normal brain chemistry, keep myself away from my abuser, be more passionate about living than dying, that'd be terrific. maybe i'd have gone to college, gotten a good job and social skills. it's just a fantasy though. traumas would have seeped in anyway. i wouldn't be able to tell my story as it is or meet some of the most important people in my life. as much as the occasional psychotic flareup sucks i don't know what kind of person i'd be without my brain's weird fizzly wiring. maybe they'd be an awful, thoughtless person.