I've read a few of your posts , your in a bit of a Catch 22 situation . Your obviously talented at what you do . But have had challenges to deal with which have had an impact on you and your career. Your keen to get back on the road with work to stabilise your finances , but find limited opportunities . You have an ongoing unresolved action against your former employer , which your concerned is having a negative impact on future prospects . Is it any wonder your anxiety can be easily triggered . I'm in no position to offer advice , but I have read and have listened , and I do empathise. On this particular point you know the response is a little irrational , but it is your response all the same . I wonder if you can connect the emails you receive with something positive and pleasurable . From now on , I can do this , but only when I get an email from this company . If one arrives , I gift myself .... a walk to the park , a chocolate , a nap , listen to music ...anything that works for you . A positive experience .