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In your post Pennkid, you spend a lot of time talking about wanting to go to different realities. That suggests to me that you've not been very happy or content with the reality you were in. I know you've spoken of being depressed for a long time -- did you ever get to talk to anyone about why that was?

As for your question, can you bring this on? I think that's a good question. In the Voices of Recovery thread, I found myself asking and then answering the question: Could anything have prevented this from happening? When we ask these kinds of questions of ourselves I think we're trying to establish if we're at fault in any manner. I'm sure there are people out there who would like to tell us, "No, no, we didn't do anything wrong, it's not our fault" but the thing is, if something really is your fault then that means you have an element of control. It means that you're not just a passive victim that something has happened to. So I think it's a good question to ask because there's potential there for some of the power you feel you've lost to be returned to you.

Something I've noticed is if I get stressed, I might get to feeling a bit spacey. I suppose that if I wasn't watching my stress levels and I went through a bout of psychosis, it could be my fault. But that would also mean that if I paid attention to my stress levels and kept them under control, I could also quite possibly prevent a bout of psychosis.

In your case, you noted that you'd smoked weed in the past. Weed and psychosis have been linked so it's quite possible that if you didn't smoke weed, you might not experience psychosis.

All the same though, there's only so much that a person can control. Unforeseen events happening in my life could push my stress levels sky high; you might never again smoke weed and still experience psychosis. I suppose we have to take responsibility where we can and allow that we can't be 100% responsible all the time.

Maybe the question to ask at this point is do you still do the things you think might play any role in your later experience of different realities? You still seem not very happy with this one so maybe that's how you cope with your unhappiness. Maybe in order to come fully back to this reality you need to find a way to be happy here.

I know you said that your first bout of treatment didn't go well. I wonder if that's because you would have been under the age of 18 at the time. I wonder if you'd be willing to try some treatment again if you had more say and input into the treatment decisions. Would that work for you?