wow did i do some talking today. a whole bunch of things that i didn't think i'd ever talk to him about lol. started talking about interpersonal relationships. a couple of people who i have difficulty getting on with. got into some of my issues / fears about clothes... about how i have weird stuff going on with my body image, too. about how it makes it hard to shop.

about my gender identity. about how when i get really stressed out sometimes i worry that i'm turning into a guy. about how i was worried about the excess body hair and about how that fed into that concern. about how sometimes i feel like a guy. about how i don't really want to feel like a guy. that i wish i was more 'girly' at times. about how i'm glad that i don't overly value appearances, however. must be hard to put a lot of stock in that (one simply can't look 14 forever). and the time taken...

it was good to talk about it. but hard, too. i don't want him to see me how i see me. the way i see me... hurts me at times. i worry that when i tell him about how i view myself that some of that will rub off on him. that he will start viewing me the same way. that he will feel disgusted and repulsed by me.

he was alright about it all, though. and he seemed happy enough about the conversation being meaningful to me etc. i can't believe i talked to him about this stuff...