Session in exactly 10 minutes and I'm already crying.

I know this this one will end up. I'm struggling on one session a week. The self harm urges have become stronger and more frequent. My brother is also in his second year and has January exams as well so I can't lean on him right now and I know he struggles just as much as me.

The erotic transfer died down but it's been replaced with the parental one again. I'm ashamed of my feelings towards him. I want nothing more than to just call him dad- but whilst he tells me that I was kind, that I had value and that he cared the truth is I don't really think that he would ever want a daughter like me.

I ordered him a gift card and chocolate for his birthday over the weekend.But he wasn't in and it was accepted by a neighbor. I feel like a fool- just creating additional problems for him.