Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna
(((LT))) Good news / bad news!  I get the feeling that what you really mean by transference and attachment is, is this T (or MC) taking my side against H? If he is, then i feel attached / transference. If he takes H's side, then off with his head!
The good news is: I dont fault you for this at all - you will see in my previous posts that i have stated many times that my current t ALWAYS agrees with me; hence attachment, transference, gifts, hugs, overweening positivity that makes other people here wanna puke.
The bad news is: those wilty wily t's expect to use the transference as a weird psychological anvil to GET YOU TO CHANGE! BECAUSE YOU WANT TO PLEASE THEM!
I think they try to appeal to the 3 year old (or whatever ages) in us. Mine was grateful for the attention - there were a LOT of neglected needs just wandering around. Yesterday on my way to t's there were a couple of young women with a black and white dog and i go, "its the dog from Babe!" They laughed, but my voice sounded weird -childish ? - even to me.
Anyway, just some thoughts. |
So, I actually don't think it's all about who sides with me against H. Because, first, if that was the case, I would have just stayed with ex-T and remained hopelessly devoted to her! If you're just talking male therapists here, T yesterday was actually trying to help me to understand what H's perspective might be. And last time I saw him, when I told him I'd basically told H to leave me alone, he was like, "You understand how that could hurt his feelings, right?" I don't feel he's taking sides. I mean, he's my individual T, so he's ultimately there to support me, but part of how he's doing that is to help me understand what's going on in the dynamic between me and H. And giving me other ways of thinking about it and dealing with it. Plus trying to help me with other issues I have.
He also seems more collaborative to me, like he wants to work *with* me to help me make changes and feel better about myself. While both ex-T and MC seemed/seem to be coming at me from more of an authority position, like maternal and paternal--"this is how I think you should be."
With MC, I don't know that the loss of transference is about him seeming more critical of or "blaming" me (and he explained it otherwise in our short call last night). I think maybe it's like I'm coming out of the fog of transference and seeing what's really going on there. I'm no longer looking at him as this idealized paternal figure who understands me better than anyone and who knows exactly what I need, so I have to listen to him. I can look at what he says and how he acts toward H and me more objectively. I'm more willing to challenge him (and have been!). It's like someone was talking about in another thread--I'm seeing the man behind the curtain.
I have wondered if before I was in more of a childlike state with MC, and now it's like I'm a teen and pulling away while still not ready to completely leave "the nest."