At that age, death is just around the corner, and you can't even enjoy your youth with them.

Marriage at that age just seems utterly pointless to me.

And I admit, I really wanted to meet her when I was young, and be able to grow old with her, and be able to enjoy my youth with her. Not meet her when I am old.

I admit I felt really angry (out of hurt) about that recently.

I thought how ironic it would be, that after I gave up and stopped wanting it, that then she might come into my life. It would be a cruel twist of fate. And I felt really angry over that. Now I'm at a point where I'd just turn her away now.