Hello roses: I'm sorry your are feeling so desperate. I can sympathize with how you feel. I've made a couple of attempts in the past. If you are feeling suicidal it is important to reach out in real life for the help you need.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support & you will find the time you spend here to be of benefit. May I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!