I guess it depends on one's interpretation of "off", and for me sometimes I know people recognize my illness symptoms, and sometimes I suspect it, when in fact they really don't. I know that my husband on many occasions has witnessed my episodes and knew that something was amiss, but he always says that I'm normal, even when I'm sick. So, to him I'm normal, but just sick.

I've been on disability for years now. When I was working, there were the people that really liked me and those that really didn't. Not everyone at work witnessed the negative symptoms of my disorder, but some did to the point of complaining about me to my bosses and even going to Human Resources and almost getting me fired. I think at first they just thought I was HORRIBLE! Hypomanic, manic, and mixed manic irritability can can do that. Later when I was hospitalized again and again people seemed to figure out that there was sickness behind my behavior. Their hatred seemed to ease, but they never fully felt comfortable around me. Plus, after the fact anxiety accompanied my mania more often than irritability. I certainly felt people saw me as "off", meaning not normal or exhibiting strange behavior.

I know there are many people I see regularly around town that just consider me to be a very friendly woman. I feel confident that they see me as normal. But there are some people (like neighbors) that have seen cops at my house, heard screams and bangs, seen the ambulance, and maybe even observed strange behavior to a degree. I often wonder if they consider me "off" even when I'm likely perfectly fine.

There is no doubt about it that my illness has caused me to be paranoid of my own behavior. Made me question myself. I've even gone so far as to apologize to people for things I've said or done only for them to say they had no idea what I was talking about. Were they lying? Or were they completely serious? At some point I just have to believe what they say. I also need to improve my self-confidence.