Dear T,

Our session two days later this week (with two days earlier last week due to thanksgiving) was really rough for me. I talked tonight what a rough past 9 days it was for me, the bad panic attack I had on thanksgiving after everyone left, the existential life crisis I had, the fight I had with my husband that made us both cry. But it’s so hard just being able to give you the recap. It’s at times like this emotionally difficult week that I realize the limits of therapy, that I’m even more aware of the boundaries and how quickly an hour a week goes by. And yes, I appreciate you offer out of session contact, but you know my issues in not wanting to rely on people, I could never contact you unless it was a catastrophe, I would die of embarrassment.

There’s a part of me that wants more, wishes we could have met in another context and been best friends. Our personalities are similar and we’re close in age—we could have been great friends in a different life. (You know how much of my life I’ve spent confiding in gay men—no wonder we have such a good connection—although I swear I didn’t chose you for that reason.) I wish you could be my day to day support system, be a good friend who checks in with me, be insightful and caring on a day to day basis like I’m sure you are with your friends.

But I understand the point you’ve raised in interviews about crossing that line from therapist into friend and how hard it is to cross back. So if I had to chose one, I choose you as my therapist. I can make friends, as challenging as that is for an introvert like myself. But a therapist like you and my ability to trust you, that’s one in a million for me. So I acknowledge boundaries and respect them, and realize I have consistency and reliability from you. But it’s so hard sometimes! It was such an emotional week for me that we had to pause it when we ran out of time, I trust when you said we can process more next week. But can it be next Thursday already? I wasn’t done talking....