Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna
Yeah... idk. Youre not seeing the forest for the trees. It feels like youre trying to fit each successive new person into the same mold. Thats the forest, the pattern. The next guy will force the previous guy to treat you better, as long as you dont get the next guy mad at you. Eventually we run out of guys! At least i did! I mean, that was one of my fantasies, the point of marrying my t was so he would come to sunday family dinner and make the family be nice to me. Or at least shut them up. Now those are some unique vows!
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I wouldn't say I'm trying to fit them all in the same mold. For example, when T disclosed something about his wife a couple weeks ago, my first thought was "Oh no, don't become just like MC with all the self-disclosure." I know I need someone different, who practices differently. Do I want each T to care about me? Of course! But I don't want them to be exactly the same. I might have liked what I was getting from MC in terms of reassurance and stuff, but I also realize that what feels good isn't necessarily what's good for me in the long-term--like what will make me grow and stand on my own. And it also has diminishing returns--things he said to me in the past that really affected me start to feel like "same old, same old." Such that if new T said the same stuff to me, I also don't think it would have the same effect. I'm in a different place and thus need someone different.