I would like to put a different spin on this issue.

While I agree the ex girlfriend does seem to have some issues with letting go, it also sounds like she is in need of some great intervention too. Is she being manipulative? Possibly yes. Is she reaching out to the only person she knows who will listen to her and in her own irresponsible way asking for help? Very possibly. Is it also possible she has a great fear of what her problems are and doesn't have the ability to ask a stranger for help? Again, yes a definite possibility.

It sounds to me like your boyfriend has a big heart and wants to help, not hurt. Many times, those of us in situations such as this feel guilty if we don't respond (regardless of how it may affect current relationships) and they try to find a balance in responding and keeping the current relationship afloat.

I don't think that an ultimatum towards your bf would be a benefit to you or him at this point. What I do think would be helpful is to help him to understand his role in getting his ex some much needed help and support from professionals.

At times we have to make it crystal clear to someone who is suffering that you will supply them with options, but that they have to take the initiative to research those options and decide what is best for them. We can then support the individual by helping them access the support they feel is appropriate and then stepping back from the situation.

Right now it sounds like the lines are muddied and no one really knows what role they should be playing. Communication is key. Maybe your role is to find helpful information for your bf to pass along to his ex. At the same time helping him to understand that he is ultimately not responsible for his ex's well being. He really has no control over what she does. I'm sure he is having issues with guilt. It wouldn't surprise me if she is laying the guilt trip on him thick and heavy.....but it's his responsibility to understand that threats from her do not mean he should feel guilty. There are ways to work through this.

I wish you all well and hope you can find a happy middle ground. Ultimately I think what your bf needs to learn and understand is that he is not the reason for her illness....he is just a catalyst that she plays into and is trying to manipulate without having a clear understanding of how it is affecting herself, your bf and you. (if she is depressed, it doesn't matter to her right now, she can only see herself in this).

Take good care!


sabby