It's taken me since Wednesday to process session and maybe put it into words. It was a really good session. I told T about a time probably last Spring when I had "that session" I call it. I was triggered because T was doing something on his phone and for some reason it hit me like a bullet, I didn't have a choice of how to react. It was a session that later I remembered oddly. The next week, T had to cancel because of dental issues. I told him that I get this is from my past, but I told him I was decimated. I don't think he remembered what I was talking about, which doesn't bother me because I know he has other clients and I wouldn't be able to keep people straight. But I told him that I had texted him and asked to email him (like have a session by email) and to have him respond. He sent an empathic response but didn't mention me emailing him so I took that as a no. I don't think he remembered doing this. I told him how hurt I was and that I didn't want to feel that way. I said this must be something from my past. I felt/feel horrible. It makes me hate myself. I got upset and told him that I felt like I treat him horribly, and I feel that way. I never try to, though. But I feel guilty about telling him how hurt/angry I was. He, as usual, was wonderful. He told me that he was glad I told him and that it meant I was trusting him (or something like this). He made me feel so calm when he said this. I told him that I miss being able to text him (he still lets me, but I for some reason won't let myself) because he made me feel so much better. I can't do that for myself. I am SO thankful for him.