I try to built intense effort to be successfully social and independent, so I can succeed more and more in life. It’s a compensation to how I felt - limited. With that mindset however, I am driving myself away from forming relationships, particularly with my family. But it has to be done. My mother wants our company on a daily basis and she’s kind of keeping us from growing.
It’s wearing me out though. That fight for independence, as I will never be satisfied. I am critical both of myself and of other people.

I lay here in my room worn out. I hardly managed to put an actual effort for independence although I hope to be more able in the future. Right now, the fights are mostly within.

As I said, it’s a compensation for many things. I have things to be angry about, but I’m really trying to make the best of it. Not through slacking off, but I want to put hard work, so I can FINALLY go my own way!
Ironically though, there are times where I tell myself, “Jesus, I need some serious guidance for this, I’m going crazy inside”.