alex i understand completely. Seriously i do. i have worried about many of the same issues. i know i am not gay, but i wondered that and i was concerned about dreams etc But i determined i was not because in the presence of real women i felt icky about even the idea. i am not turned on by every guy, but the sexual feeling is different if that makes sense.

Almost all my friends are lesbians, and my best friend from childhood came out as bi. None of that made me feel any more secure about my feminity. You're right... sterotypes exist for a reason.. they are based on observed commonalities... they just don't apply to everyone. There is often a noticable association with one gender or the other. But its spectrum based rather than either or. That just confused me more... the hetero world is very either or.

i am built like my dad's family. i am several inches taller than other women in my family. i am broad shouldered and not delicate anywhere except my hands maybe. i had to fight for my father's respect... which increased my fears of being too male.

it came to a point when i was going to go to a lesbian party with my bi friend.. in trying to decide what to wear i started to cry in frustration "they're all going to think i'm the boy!" It's funny now in retrospect but i really thot that in comparison to my very openly sexual friend i was going to seem like her escort.

i work hard on my feminity... i love girly stuff... i LOVE clothes (i don't know if my T has seen me in the same outfit twice... "hi, my name is fluff and i have not shopped in 8 days" ) i like make-up. i like stupid girly crap which makes my intellectual side cringe.

The worst things are my intellectual side which rejects BOTH genders... and the more aggressive side of me.. that part developed to protect me from others. It has been so effective that i am very alone in many ways. Developing aggression, high assertiveness and just being more overt to begin with causes a lot of image anxiety.

You are certainly not alone in this one alex