Although I made an appointment with my old therapist to start seeing her the Monday after next, it seriously can't come sooner. I wrote in another post how the guy I was on and off dating possibly died by O.D. or suicide....
Something triggered me today when someone was talking about suicide at work, and I completely lost it and left the room.

I somehow made it through the rest of the day and closed my office door. I felt shaky all day and on and off crying, even while driving. When I called a family member at work for support, she told me that I am going to have to "get over it" and have to do my job. I just found all this out Tuesday, and I'm just supposed to get over it?? He was one of the closest people to me. I had just seen him about 2 weeks prior to him "disappearing," to only find out the truth and find his obituary a few months later.

Then, I looked in the mirror at myself and started crying, which is another subject. I had cosmetic surgery earlier this year, and now I am going to need a corrective procedure. I have to schedule a whole new procedure. I feel so ugly. .

Basically, I completely lack support. I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless, so lost, not knowing where to turn. Somebody who I just met only 2 days before this all happened asked me to hang out, but I canceled, since I just don't feel up to it. I also have a tendency to want to please everyone, be strong. My mother keeps wanting to censor my thoughts and tells me what to say and what not to say to my grandmother, just because she didn't like the fact I was with someone "who had so many problems" and is embarrassed. She only cares about herself.

I don't know what to do to cope at the moment???