I get upset by things my t does sometimes but I can't connect with the idea of her "upsetting me." I just think sometimes I react to things she does. She doesn't "do" anything to me.
When I get upset by things she says or does I try to figure out why it was upsetting. Sometimes it is because I felt invalidated, sometimes it is because she says something dumb, sometimes it is because it triggers past stuff. So what I do depends on why her actions triggered that response in me. But my focus is always that. Not that she did something "to" me.