So back in the spring, my psychiatrist added OCD to my list of acronyms on my Dx sheet.

According to what she has told me, and what I've read, it makes sense. I think obsessively about things. I'm a perfectionist. I'm stuck in a routine and have trouble doing things because of that routine and this routine causes me distress because I can't do anything.

I know one thing is that I keep waiting for things to be perfect to do something. Anything. And I keep waiting until I have the energy to do things, but I never have energy, so things don't get done. That's just one example.

The OCD has definitely gotten worse over the past few years, but I can see now how it was always there. Like, for example, I always feel like after everything I do, I have to go home and rest, even though, maybe I'm not really tired? Like, I can't run multiple errands at once. Or after work, I have to go home before I can do anything else, and I think I've convinced myself that I only have energy to do one thing after work a day too. But I don't know if these things are true or if they are just compulsions and routine that I cannot break from, no matter how much distress they cause me.

The thing is, before I lost my job in July, I feel like I was starting to break my routine and build a healthier routine that wasn't so rigid.

I don't know if the way I'm describing it sounds mild or what. I assure that it's very disruptive to me being able to live a normal life, and it causes me a lot of mental distress. I also am recovering from compulsive self harm behavior. And I have very obsessive thinking.

I don't know if anyone has any advice for someone who has just learned they have had this disorder for a long time and how to challenge their compulsive behaviors and obsessive thinking. I used to think my problem was depression, now I believe that the problem is more OCD and it's linked very closely to my depression.

Seesaw