((((( ziggy1 )))))

Two years ago, I was in a position similar to yours with having to care for my elderly aunt. She was 92 and very very stubborn. Older folks do suffer from depression as their bodies and minds are changing with age and coming to terms with how they lived their lives and how close they are to the end of their lives. They will lash out in ways we don't deserve and don't understand. They cannot "see" that they are depressed and sometimes will fight that notion as their perception of depression is from many years ago when depression was almost a taboo subject. They were taught to suck it up and deal. Today, depression is looked at in different and more accepting ways then back when she was growing up (for the most part that is).

It sounds to me like you are torn between being a good son and caring for your mom and also trying so hard to do self care. Unfortunately, your situation is leading to much heartache as neither of those situations are moving forward and bad feelings are growing.

Has your mom been for a physical lately? Does she refuse to go to the doctors? If she doesn't refuse, my suggestion would be to get her in for an exam to make sure she is physically ok and to let the doctor know (and you have every right to talk to the doctor regarding this) that her demeanor is not healthy and you fear she is depressed.

There are agencies out there that work with the elderly and help them to maintain in their own homes for as long as they safely can be there. You could call your local city/town offices to see if there are any programs that would be available for her....also your state may have a Senior agency that helps too. Networking with her doctors office for more options of help is always a good place to go too.

ziggy, in order to get yourself out from under your mom's control, you must plan for her care once you are away from her. I think you love your mom and you want what is best for her and you are now realizing that you are not able to give her the care that you think she deserves. Once you have some services in place for your mom, it will take a lot of the burden off of you so that you can then look for your own help and decide where you want to be.

Please ziggy, before you both get to the point of making really bad and unhealthy choices for yourselves, do yourself and her a big favor and actively seek assistance for your mom. She will balk at it, she will get angry, but if you are doing this out of kindness, caring and love, then it is the right thing to do.

I had to make the decision that living with my aunt was not conducive to either of our health. It was very difficult and we were both very angry and frustrated. While she was very upset when I told her I could no longer stay and help care for her (she made it very difficult for me to help her), she accepted the fact that she needed to leave her home of 70+ years and go to a nursing facility. She rose to the occasion and did very well until her body decided enough was enough.

I wish you well ziggy.....you deserve to help yourself and in helping your mom's situation, it will in turn help you.


sabby