Wow! I really can't sake the feeling in my stomach reading your responses. Nor can I describe it with words. I really don't know why I'm struggling with this issue so much. My body is telling me something my brain cannot grasp at this point. I have written what I remember down, reflected on it, etc. I've even posted some of it on PC when trying to figure out if it was technically abuse.

I've thought about just putting it in a letter and sending it to her. Just to get it over with and to stop my agitation with this topic. I want to just move on and focus on the present. But I think she was getting at something else by the way she stated her comments. I got the impression its not about her know exactly what happened. Earlier in the conversation we were talking about an issue I had with a childhood friend who is really sick. I've been kind of a jerk to her regarding our past. In this case my T suggested that I seem to communicate better when writing and recommended that I consider writing her a letter.

Later in the session when I challenged her comments regarding what I said and didn't say directly to her, the letter option was not mentioned. If there is anything I've learned in the past 7 months is that my T is very deliberate in the way she words things. There are usually reasons behind the words. I just don't always see it right away.

I think I am just getting way to worked up over some minor stuff that happened a really long time ago. I'm not event convinced this has anything to do with what happened. I may just have to do with me being a freak'n a$$hole. If this is the case then why can't I choose some other topic to "verbalize" about? Sorry now I'm feeling anger- I know what that feels like.