Once more, thank you all for your kindness xxx
My CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) came for his weekly visit this afternoon. I know I'm an idiot - but I can't stay angry with him for long.....I think I have a little crush on him
Anyway...I had a long chat with him about all of this and he really did understand and reassure me that he did genuinely care about me. He agreed with many points I brought up, that things could have been handled better and that I have been let down by some 'professionals'. He did also remind me that BPD can make me see things as they not really are - or something like that......and I agree. I think I have been hurt and let down by a few 'bad' medics and I am in danger of tarring them all with the same brush and expecting them to let me down. I know I can be oversensitive and critical of others. I grew up caring for a mentally ill mother and always saw myself as the carer and thought I would end up caring for others - but now I find myself needing the care I feel like I've failed.
BUT - this does not change the fact that I have encountered some very uncaring and unprofessional people along the way......everything I have said is the truth, sadly. Maybe it's not too late for me to one day help others, but right now I have to concentrate on looking after me. My CPN and Support Worker are good guys, I have to remind myself of that. They have made mistakes - but at least they are sticking with me and trying to make amends. Every relationship in life has it's good times and bad times - relationships are a risk. I have to try to let go all of the bad experiences with the other health care professionals I have encountered over the past year - otherwise I won't get well. They have to live with their own conscience and hopefully something will happen in their life to make them see how wrong they are to treat people in such an uncaring way.
I am a survivor of paedophiles, domestic violence, child abuse, divorce, physical illness, an eating disorder and many other bad things.......I won't let the bloody National Health Service 'unprofessionals' ruin my life!!!!

Thank you for the offers to PM you......the same applies to you, I'm here to support others too

Take care you lovely people xx